Princess Peach, widely known for her accompanying roles in Nintendo’s Mario titles, has become the next big streamer on Twitch and YouTube. Peach consented to an interview earlier in the week, granted it wouldn’t interfere with her streaming schedule, and so we came to an agreement that she’d be allowed to stream the interview. While Peach did not permit Ragdoll Farcists to use video from the actual recording, Miss Toadstool was kind enough to allow us to post a few screen caps from our conversation.

Peach Stream Opening

Billy: Good evening, Princess. Looking as good as ever I see. To start us off, can you comment on your decision to become a streamer? What led you to such an endeavor? Were you inspired by any of the current Twitchers or YouTubers?

Peach: It was actually Toad’s idea for me to start streaming. Not a lot of people know this, but Toad and I have been best friends for the better part of three decades. Toad is a huge fan of Twitch. He pointed me to a handful of his favorite women involved in the gaming industry, mostly streamers and journalists, and from them I learned how to turn my name into a lucrative venture. Now I have more fans than ever, and they can’t stop throwing money at me. It’s just super!

Billy: Good to hear. How’s Mario feel about your new passion? I assume it cuts into the time you’re able to spend with him.

Peach: Oh, Mario’s extremely supportive! It’s true, I spend most of every day online chatting with my fans, and it really limits my Mario time. But my little plumber has his own life to live as well. Those goombas aren’t gonna squash themselves you know! Luigi’s the one with most of the choice words. He’s always trying to convince Mario to convince me to stop. He’s tricked himself into thinking I’m abusing the gaming community. Me! Of all people! If you ask me, Luigi’s always been a sourpuss. He’s totes jealous of my and his brother’s relationship!

Billy: Well let’s try to keep family affairs out of the conversation, shall we? Now, moving on to—

Peach: I’m sorry, Billy. Give me just a second. It’s getting so darn hot in here.

Peach Stream PP

Peach: There we go. Much better!

Billy: Wow, I uh…ahem. Okay. So as I was saying…with regards to—

Peach: Billy! Before you go on with more boring questions, tell me what you think of my shirt! Pretty cool, huh?

Billy: Uh, yeah. It’s really something. What’s it mean?

Peach: It’s part of my new clothing line, Proud of My PP! “PP” is me, of course: Princess Peach! With Proud of my PP, I’m hoping to insert PP into everybody’s lives! We have T-shirts, so people can proudly display PP on their chest. We have several belt designs, so my fans can wrap PP around their waist. Just this week we released a line of men’s wallets. Now all of my male demographic can slide PP into their back end! Later in the month we’re releasing tongue rings, allowing my faithful followers to put as much PP in their mouth as they can fit! And finally, we’ve been designing a set of items for children. Right behind me there’s a prototype pacifier with my brand name all over it, that way tiny little babies can put—

Billy: Okay, Peach, you can stop. I get it. Who designs all your gear? I assume you’re in the know with some good visual artists.

Peach: Oh, no, Billy. I design everything myself! I’ve been taking online courses in graphic design for the past three months, so I don’t see why I should waste funds paying some fancy-pantsy big shot. Take this shirt for instance. What I did was, I took the PP, flipped one backwards, then melded the bases together. Pretty creative, right? And as a bonus, it kind of looks like a mushroom! I’ve dedicated this shirt to my bestie; I call it “Toad’s PP.”

Billy: That’s fantastic, Miss Toadstool. Moving on from the PP, I wanted to ask—

Peach: One more thing, Bill! I’m also releasing a solo record this fall. You can preorder now at the Proud of my PP website. And don’t forget to throw a few shirts in your cart before checking out! Also, make sure to visit my Patreon page. If you don’t want to buy anything from my site, you can donate money to me and ensure my pretty face keeps on providing all the content you desire!

Billy: Jesus Christ…

Peach: What was that?

Billy: Oh…nothing. You have a lot of projects underway at the moment. Do you see it as overkill at any point? I mean, is there a juncture where you stop and ask why?

Peach: Why what, Bill?

Billy: Why you’re putting out all of this content and attire. I guess what I’m asking is, why should the people care? Maybe Luigi has a valid argument in some cases. Don’t you feel like you might be taking advantage of your fan base with your name and your beauty? Why would I, as a gamer, want to put your PP anywhere on my body?

Peach: Because I love you, Billy Boy! I love all of P Trips!

Billy: Okay…and who’s P Trips?

Peach: You are! That’s the shortened name for the Princess Peach Posse. Every one of my followers is part of P Trips. Everything I do, I do for them!

Billy: Well I haven’t drank the Kool-Aid yet, Miss Toadstool, but the name is appropriate enough. I’m still wondering though, when you say “everything I do,” what do you mean? What exactly are you doing for your viewers?

Peach: Oh, you’re such a Luigi! I provide them with content, Bill! I give them happiness, and a place to hang out. Someone to talk to! And when they subscribe to me, I even say their name online and play cute little animations to celebrate them! And if they donate two thousand dollars or more to my Patreon, they can come stream with me for a day! How about that!?

Billy: Subscribe? So people give you money, and you say their name? And occasionally they pay you a decent chunk of change to spend some “real time” with you?

Peach: Yep!

Billy: This is beginning to sound like a sex chat room.

Peach: Gross, Billy! It is no such thing. I run a wholesome program here, and that’s it!

Billy: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Peach, but you’re streaming yourself over the Internet for a bunch of lonely dudes. Now I don’t know the actual statistics, but I’d be willing to bet that a minimum of ten percent of your audience is masturbatory. And it sounds like you’re nickel-and-diming them anywhere you can. It’s basically a soft-core sex operation, only there’s no recognizable benefit for the customer.

Peach: It is absolutely, positively not a sex operation, Bill. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s getting way too hot in here.

Peach Stream Cleave

Peach: Oh, this is so much better. Don’t you think, Billy?

Billy: I…well it’s…hmm.

Peach: What’s the matter, Billy?

Billy: I’m not sure. I suddenly got this urge to do something for you, Princess. But I don’t know what, exactly. Can I…do you think it’d be okay if I gave you some money? A minimum of four dollars and ninety-nine cents, perhaps?

Peach: Sure, Bill. Just click on the Subscribe button below. And if you’d like to give more, there’s a Donate button underneath that.

Peach Stream Donate

Peach: Thanks for the subscription Billy Slowmeat! And welcome to the P Trips family! I’ll send you a special email later and we can make arrangements for our playdate. Now make sure to stock up on all the latest Proud of My PP gear, and show off your PP with pride! Love you!

Billy Slowmeat

Billy Slowmeat

Billy is the video game journalist of our generation. For Billy, there is no lead too tough to follow…no story too daunting to expose. Billy lives to do one thing: report. Hell, the son of a bitch gets off on it.
Billy Slowmeat